Ok, I have had some people comment that they can't see a picture at the top of my blog. Can ya let me know if you can see it or not. I can see it, a few of my friends can, many can't...sooo... Tell me if you can or not, and what browser your using.

Thanks!

Maya

It is only the beginning of the week and I miss my B. I am so used to having him around, I hate it when he travels, and freaking Taiwan! I called him earlier to say I hoped he made it ok, I am such a sap. I mean, I stole his shirt the night he left and I now have it tucked in my pillow case.

*sigh*

So anyways, today has been relatively quiet, luckily S seems to have given up on the group thing and is no longer pestering me about it. But then again, I could just be gearing up for a big slam.

I guess I am not in the mood to write tonight, what I really want is someone to get out some creative energies with...ah well

I am a control freak, wow, like no one knew this;) I have to be in control, I have to know what is going on. I HAVE to be in charge. I can not tolerate just letting things happen with no plan, no, I don't mean I go on vacation and have to know where I am every moment, and no I don't mean that I can't just get up, walk out the door and go be spontaneous, but, when I know something needs to be done, I am the person who is like ok, here is the plan on how to do it.

I like to organize, I like to find out what as a group people like and dislike, and then try to find a middle ground for all. Tonight I realized something, I really can't tolerate when some in a group have constant tantrums. I look back at some of the men in my life, and I see this pattern, I don't get what I want, so instead of talking about it, I am going to make a little shot at you then walk away, not allowing you to respond. So I left. If it had been one incident I might have stayed, but it was repeated, and I know it will continue to happen.

I feel good about this. I am not running away, in all honesty, even though I enjoyed the group, I really don't feel the kinship and like that I do with my b.com family. I have to say, barring one exception, the mods on b.com all seem to work together well. Yes we all have different ideas, but I have never felt like any in the group is like, well it is my way and fuck you. We talk about things.

I didn't make a big deal of leaving, I just recinded my moderator status, turned over ownership of the other back room group to the guy who I was having problems with and sent a note to the other owner and mod to let them know I was leaving, but no big sob story.

As an adult I need to take care of myself, I know that in reality if I want something a certain way I should go do it on my own, instead of trying to change another to my views. People don't change, and I also know that I can't deal with someone who refuses to communicate, and instead just continually throws things in your face then runs.

I guess in a way some could say I am doing the same thing, but I really don't see it that way. Yes I am leaving, but, I am not leaving after making lil potshots and the like, I am leaving to get out of a situation that is bothering me. I can't make this guy change, he is going to be the way he is.

I think I need my own group, I would be curious to see the kinds of people I attract to it. laughs, ok, assuming I attract anyone!

Ah well, it is after midnight and I have to get back to my final tomorrow.

http://www.bondage.com/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=49655

Maya

Ok, I got a few e-mails, yes it is ME in the top picture:)

Today I am trying to get ready for an invasion of family tomorrow. My husband forgot his moms bday AGAIN, and of course he has left it to me to throw together a party for tomorrow. So, I shall have 9 dinner guests, I have to work with what I have in the house cause I have no budget left for extra groceries this week, and damn it I only have 7 chairs! HE has of course also left the choice of gift for HIS mother up to me also.

Sigh, I am off to dig in the freezer more, right now its going to be roast venison and chicken...you can mix meats right:)

Maya

I am so very disconcerted right now. I talked voice with a friend tonight, someone I have been chatting to for a long while, seen on cam and all. So I answer the phone and his voice hit me, he sounded just like my ex. The more he talked, the more it was my ex, and here I am trying to have a semi-coherent conversation and I am crying.

I am so wierded out right now, I am not sure what to think, I know it wasn't my ex, I know this, and yet I feel sick, and scared, and nervous, and I don't know. The voice, the tones, the words...it was him. I am a mess right now, this is foolish. I don't even know if I can talk to him again. I mean sheesh, we talked for like 10 mins and I cried the whole time, though I don't think he knew this at all.

I am going to bed, very confused, very sad...and just wishing that closure were something you could buy in a store, slap on, and get over with. It has been two years maya, grow the fuck up!

Me.

Ok, sometimes......

yeah

Rainy friday, I like rainy days, just wish I felt better. I have some sort of sinus thing going on. Probably cause of the rainy day:)

So, last night was great, well, afternoon...ok, the whole day actually. I got some free time, got to spend time with my B. I abused the poor fella. Tied him up tight, gagged, blindfolded, a bit of cbt...yum. I do love tormenting him. Later in the evening we took a nice relaxing bath together and I got to fall asleep in his arms. I love sleeping with my B, he is a good snuggler and he doesn't snore!

This weekend shall be quiet, hubby is working, B is packing for his trip and will be gone a week:( How shall I survive! I will miss him many muches.

Next weekend I am going to go to my moms for the weekend. I am trying to arrange to meet someone, just a meet, but still, I so rarely get kid free time, and I know my mom would watch him for an evening. If my plan works out it should be fun:)

Anyways I am off to try to figure out what is up this evening, supposed to be going out to dinner, but, I dunno if its going to happen or not, unfortunately since I can't find a sitter, probably will end up being to late and I can't go. Ah well, joys of having a child.

Lord of the Rings!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla



OK rorkar I swear I didn't copy your answers

"You Shook Me All Night Long" (by AC/DC)
'Cause the walls start shaking
The earth was quaking
My mind was aching
And we were making it and you -
Shook me all night long.


Which 80's Song Fits You?
brought to you by Quizilla



Thanks Rorkar:)

I am coming to realize that I need more and more time to come down from mommy time, and slip into a more play oriented frame of mind. I used to be able to tuck the little one in, and wham whip me, beat me, rape me with a stick. Not anymore though. I think part of it is, that I used to go to work during the day, so I wasn't so fully in mommy mode all the time. Now all I do is study, take care of my lil one and housework. My brain gets stuck in domestic mode, not dom playtoy, or Domme mode.

So last night started off intense for me, B took that flogger to me like he never has before, I don't think he has ever really made me whimper and whine like I did last night. Then the lil bastard was just mean, trying to pull off my nipples just cause I would rather strangle myself on the ropes then take the abuse of the flogger and whatever else he was using. I didn't last long, but got a nice hard fucking which I always enjoy, even if he had on some dumb comedy show during it and I kept having to stifle a giggle.

One thing he did last night that I loved, though probably isn't completely safe, but bah, whatever is in bdsm. He had me hooded and collared, then had the collar secured on two sides to the poles downstairs, then in the front to the bed. So I really couldn't go far without choking myself. Since anyone who knows me knows I love breath play he could have had a problem if I had gone to far and passed out, but, even though I couldn't see how he had done it, I am sure he used safety releases for just that reason.

All in all a different yet still fun evening.

Playtalk aside I move on to other things in my life. I am still on my 24 hour no study break, though tomorrow it is back to the books before my meeting on doing a website design for someone. I am hoping this next one won't challenge me like the last, but we all know about wishes and wants.

I am working on trying to find out where a few of my friends disappeared too, unfortunately here in cyberland when someone wants to write you off, tis easy to do, you can't go knock on their door and say HEY what the fuck is up, why don't you talk to me anymore. SO I wait, and hope it is just a phase and sooner or later they will return a message and let me know what it is up. At the very least tell me to go the fuck away. I have learned from the past though, you can only try for a little bit, and if they just aren't willing nothing is going to make them tlel you what happened.

Well I really should go work about the house some, bleh, but its looking good, cleaning house, getting rid of all the junk we just don't need and giving us more room is always a good thing.

Thanks to those who have commented!

maya

Ok, so, I know you people are reading my blog, but I don't know who you are, well some I do:) So, leave me a comment:) I am curious to know who is being a perv and checking up on my life *wink*

Details posted later about last nights abuse, YUM, floggers....oh my.

I am still working on my final, it is those damn essay questions. I am probably putting more into them then I need to, but without knowing if I should do a half page or a big paper I am not taking any chances. I am taking a 24 hour break though before I drive myself nuts over it.

B is on his way over, tonight is an F night, Filet Mignon, Floging and Fucking. I need them all! He does try to take good care of me, I hope he knows how much I appreciate what he does for me. I mean, I think I even cleaned his bed off downstairs so he doesn't have to climb over things to show it and all:)

I am working hard on the group I belong to, trying to draw the membership together, maybe meet some new kinky people. I really am finding I am just unhappy with my nilla friends, we have nothing to talk about. I feel like I have to keep so much a secret from them, and to be honest, I hate it.

I did do a very unmaya like thing yeserday though. There was someone on b.com I had a feeling was *keeping tabs on me* I was being a bit paranoid, after the whole fiasco in the past with people I will not mention I really am gunshy about people. I assume people think the worst of me, even if they don't know the story. So I e-mailed this person, and come to find out she just liked what I post, and wanted to read it. WOW, like, I was paranoid for nothing! I am hoping, even though it wouldn't be someone I am going to see down the street that perhaps I have found another like minded female...I really do not get along with my own sex. I just do not understand frippery and frolicks at all.

So, I am off to the FFF night:)

Ta

This week has been filled with trying to finish up this damn class I am taking. I am working on the final now, so far I have an A average in the class, I hope to keep it.

Kinky life is slow, but snuggling is on the rise, I do so enjoy snuggling. I did get a chance to have a new experience this week and it was fun, but I shall not go into it here. How unlike me to not share kinky details!

I have been bad with my blog, but hey, I am putting all my creative energy into the books, and the chance erotic encounter, I guess for now I will be happy it is going someplace:)

My B had his 30th bday this week, I was disappointed I couldn't pull something together with his friends, but they really bailed on me. I tried my best to do something alone with him, not sure how he felt about it, but damn I tried. I know even though he said it was no big deal that this big 30 was important to him. In the end I know I tried, and I know that at least from me he knows he is important. That is all I can do. Sometimes this whole poly thing makes life tough. If I were just his I would have brought his family and friends together for a big bash, but as the married woman in his life, I can't.

Ah well.

Back to the books!

I am finding my place of comfort. Things are falling into place, I am realizing that my choices I have made are ok, and that makes me happy. My friends are finding their paths, things are moving, settling...autumn is coming and it is time to get ready for the long haul of winter, and I just think that this one is going to be a wonderland for me.

You see before you a beautiful sunflower,
It stands proud and tall,
Stalk strong and sturdy to carry the burden of the flower above it.

The flower is perfect, golden yellow,
Petals opened to the sun, embracing the light.
The center is filled with seeds, each one plump,
Waiting for the chance to fall to the ground,
To be nourished by mother earth and father sky.

Each seed is blessed with the fact that it will grow in a replica of its parent.
It will fall to mother earth and be embraced by her soil,
Father sky will help it grow with the gift of rain and sunshine.
The course is set, simple, generation after generation following the same path.


You see before you a woman.
She too is proud and strong.

She holds within her heart her own seeds,
Each one containing the promise of something to come.
Yet she holds them inside, only occasionally releasing one.

She watches, that tiny seed containing an imprint of all that she is.
The wind lifts them, takes them places she never dreamed.
She has no control over where it will land when she releases it,
And it is with great fear that she watches,
Hoping that the person who catches that seed will see the potential within it.

Sometimes she is rewarded, watching as her seeds ripen and bring forth new relationships.
Sometimes her seeds fall, none taking notice of them as they trod upon them on their daily paths.
Sometimes she is able to direct them a bit, her breath guiding them to safer havens.


And then sometimes she just turns her back and walks away

http://yummyfrickenliciouslinkies.blogspot.com/

Hmmmmmmmm another person linking me...

I wonder who these people are:)

Maya

Its been a busy busy busy week. We had to tear off a good portion of the back of our house and replace everything right down to the sills. Next comes replacing the deck. We had a bit of water/ant damage. I use the word bit very very loosely. I have learned a lot through all this though. I now know that pressure treated lumber wieghs a fucking ton when your husband has to build your deck out of 2x10x12 stock and you have to sort through 50 or so boards at home depot to get the 15 he wants that have to be almost perfect. UGH. I also know that I can not pick up a 2x12x16 by myself no matter what the guys say.

I had some fun though, I built a chalet for my kitty that I had to kick outdoors. The only thing I had to buy was a hinge for the roof, everything else, from clapboard siding, insulation, double thick walls inside and the climbing shelves he has I used only scrap from the demo of the back of the house. I was pretty proud of myself! They guys groaned though when they went to move it and it weighs in at over 300 lbs at least. What do I care:) I just build the damn thing!

I am trying to put the interior of my house back together now, I have had so many people in and out, made so many meals, and just with rain and construction dust and debris, its a MESS! i just had it cleaned too!

ah well.

I hope to have fun kinky stuff to tell you soon! I just seem to be to tired right now after working hard all day to want to even lay there and get tied up at night!

Maya

I should do this more often...yeah, perhaps later;)