I am sometimes amazed how your friends can be so quick to condemn you. How can a person who says they know you and your heart think so awful of you. Why do I not stay and try to *convince* them otherwise, do I feel I really am that horrid, or do I not think I can remain friends with someone who would put me in such a place.


All I know, is tonight, my heart aches.

Maya

Things have been VERY hectic around here. Things came to a head over the farm next door, and I have spent the last week or so setting up a very strong case against their farming practices. I have quite a few agencies investigating them at the moment, but it has entirely consumed me!

so, today the ball really started rolling and I can watch for a bit,...though, I am exhausted.

Off to nap

Me

So how do you tell the man you love that you saw someone try to murder him in your sleep. Needless to say I had a rough night, my dreams lately have been of me being murdered, last night was the first time it was someone else. I am getting to the point where I can only sleep when he is around, as soon as he leaves my side the nightmares start. I haven't told him about it though, he is probably wondering why I fall asleep on him so easily lately. I guess after last night I shoudl talk to him and let him know what is up.

watching a loved one die the way I did last night in my dreams, is horrid, so if you happen to see me around today, don't be surprised if I am not myself.

BTW: Somehow, he miraculously appeared later in my dream.

It is kind of late and I should be asleep, but, I feel the need to blog.

I am depressed, not today was a bad day depressed, but, I could care less about getting out of bed each day depressed. I don't want to eat, my normal activities no longer please me, heck, I don't even cum on a regular basis anymore. I try to be myself, but, somehow...it just isn't there.
I wish I knew what my problem was, am I overwhelmed, underwhelmed, confused...

sigh...

YOU are the agressiveness.
A dwarf. A goblin. A troll. No one said you had to
be smart to be aggressive. you work for the
evil and/or dangerous power holders. you do as
you're bid, no questions asked. a job is a job,
right? everyone's gotta make a living and you
play to your strengths. literally.


what fairy tale role do you play? (this time with pictures)
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I take that back, got my score I got a 98! Yaya me!

STILL no grade on my final, I am beginning to go nuts here. I am already well into my next course, but I am afraid to turn in another test until I get the grade back on this one. I just need the closure of it I guess.

I spent the day out, had to make a run to Home Depot, beginning to think I live there! Then came home, worked in the yard, went out galavanting in the forest, re-did the iguana's cage, he likes the new climby perchy things I built him. This afternoon I shall probably study some, I could use a nice long bath too. I really am enjoying fall, the weather is just perfect!

Last night we celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving, I had to face the evil bitch of doom again, I did a great job ignoring her, and I think it irked her to no end that everyone was paying attention to me and fawning over my lil one. She really is a bitch, I couldn't believe it when she walked in the door and my mother in law is like, hurry get her a glass of wine before she flips out on us. Sheesh she is the mother of two little babies, drinks like a fish and people encourage it. She really disgusts me. I made it through the whole evening without speaking a word to her. There are very few people in this world I entirely despise, she just happens to be one of them.

I wish for my husbands sake I could somehow ...deal better with her. But, the woman hasn't one redeeming feature. I just refuse to suck up to her like everyone else does because they are afraid of her. I made it quite clear to all last night that I found their behaviour disgusting, and all I got for a reply was, its easier to placate her then actually stand up to her. Rolls her eyes, these are fucking adults, old enough to be her mother, and they can't stand up to her.

Ahhh well.

Maya

Magic


?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
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Innocent


What's your sexual appeal?
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Collapses in a fit of giggles, ok, this is tweaked...AHAHHAHA

Jezebel


Which bad girl of the Bible are you?
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Why oh why does this not suprise me. Whit your a brat for putting these on your blog:P

80% Seme


How seme are you?
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STILL no grade, sigh, I am an impatient one!

Weekend has been wonderful, both my men have been here and I have really enjoyed having them around. We have worked outside, watched sports, ate bad for you meals and just hung out. I really am amazed at times at how our little triad works. I know there are times where we all feel left out a bit, but, what impresses me is how we all deal with it. Yes there are occasional jealousies, but, we talk about them, and deal with them in an adult manner, instead of letting it fester and blaming it on the others in the relationship.

So far the weather has held out, it was beautiful, B, the lil one and I went for a walk in the forest yesterday to gather wintergreen for me to make tincture with for my muscle rub. Not sure what is up for today, I know we are supposed to go to dinner with the in laws and my sons aunt and uncle, these are his birth moms family, I am nervous. I always wonder if they blame me for ending up with J, and sometimes I think they might not feel I am doing as well as his birth mom would have with him. Its just natural fear, I know its not really true, but still, at times it is hard. The situation is very difficult, and this will be the first time since we adopted J that they will have seen him. I hope they go home happy with what he has for a life here.

Well, its almost 9 am, time to get my boys out of bed. Lazy slugs they are!

Was up all night with my lil one, I think every time he coughed he aimed right for my face. Sniffles, should be a great weekend...cough.

Still no grade on my final, damn it now its been 7 days! Anyways I am off to shower and face my day, time to move on to the study of biology:)

Maya

Looking for song lyrics
teitur is the artist
Sleeping with the lights on is the song

Anyone got any suggestions?

I am unperioding today, its an odd thing. All those lovely symptoms of having your period, but no blood. I can even smell that hot metallic scent of it, but I do not shed, I can taste it in my mouth and I crave meat, red, bloody like I used to... It is disconcerting in a way.

This is explaining though why all week when B or hubby touched my breasts i wanted to bite their heads off, I haven't felt this way in a long while. Maybe its coming back...ut oh, that could be bad for the boys, I used to be a raving bitch, I had calmed a little bit. Ok, I am still a raving bitch, I admit it, but I really did use to be worse:)

I am off to find some comfort food and study, about all I am up for tonight anyways.

Still no grade on the final, I hate waiting, it makes me nervous.

-Bad- You're the exact opposite of what any guy
wants or needs, unless he happens to need a
quick lay. You're cruel. You toy with people.
You're probably a bitch, and i don't think i'd
like you if i met you. Oh go screw a random
male already.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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You represent... desire.
You sure are motivated. You have a definite knack
for getting what you want. You always put your
own interests before those of others, and you
almost always find youself being satisfied.
Though you have determination, try some
compassion. Putting others first occassionally
can get you even more satisfying relationships.


What feeling do you represent?
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I just sent in my final for grading.... I am nervous, it was a tough class. All I can say is I did my absolute best.

Started the third harry potter book last night, read 264 pages before I realized how late it was. I will probably finish it in the tub this afternoon. Guess I am going to have to go get the 4th at the library tomorrow, it has been a nice break from schoolwork.

I have 2 essays left to write, got all the revamps done, I am pretty happy with them.

I am hoping B comes over tonight, I have some things to talk to him about, good things, but still, things that have really been effecting me a lot lately. I am...

ah well, til later.

I can't believe fall is really setting in! Last night I actually had a moments thought of turning on the heat, and damn it, if I had a woodstove it would hav been lit last night and maybe even today. I am dying for some nice hot cider!


Hubby has been home sick the past few days, sorta put a damper on welcoming the Bman home from his trip...But, he did come over and watch movies with us, played hooky from work and just hung out. I got the guys Tiger woods golf and they are addicted. I think the hubby is going back to work today, but, now I am ready for some non testosterone time!


I am still working hard on my final, don't seem to have much quiet time to do it lately, and then what little quiet time i do have, I am so exhausted I don't even want to touch my books. But I am muddling through, really am almost done with the revamp of the essays. I am much happier with them now.


I have spent some time in the yard, I have a ton of bulbs to plant and have been doing a last weed before winter, one last lawn mowing to mulch in the leaves and some clean up. I think I am ready for winter:)