bondage


What's YOUR sexual fetish?
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Oh like this is a big surprise:)

I think things are finally starting to settle down a bit...ok I wish:)

I have a plan, and as long as things do not deviate from it, I think I can make it through the next few weeks. Lex will be staying here with me until the 6th of August, I love that idea! I am really enjoying her female energy, her openess, having a woman to talk to...and just hanging out.

The 25th Primal and Esrik arrive and they will be here until the 28th with all the pets. I am a bit nervous about how the zoo is going to work out, 4 dogs in the house and 4 cats is a lot, not to mention everything else. To help matters a bit, I changed my vacation plans and C and I will be travelling up Maine the 26th-29. Primal and Esrik return on the 5th, and then Lex and Primal leave early on the 6th to make the drive to tyron. I believe Esrik will stay an extra night with us, and I will take him to the airport for his late flight the 7th. I am planning a trip into Boston for the day to distract him from being sad at Primal having to head out.

I can handle this, it will make C's vacation week a lil bit chaotic with Bridget and the snakes and cats and snails and iguana around, but, we shall deal, this is what friends are for.

I took lex out today, we were both a bit grouchy, not quite knowing what is going on has stressed us both out a lot. We are both doing our best to get through all this, its hard for us both not knowing exactly what is to come. Not to mention keeping hubby, who likes his peace and quiet...and schedule, from getting upset about all the commotion to come. I really am happy to help, I just need to know what is going on to keep my sanity.

Relatively quiet day today, I took a nap this afternoon, needing to catch up a bit on sleep. The stress of not knowing what is going on in so many parts of my life just got to me. I will deal with it, I always do.

I should get to bed, its past midnight, and the Jman doesn't like to let me sleep in often. He did today, well, at least, wiwth some help of cartoons, ugh, brain rot.

I am off to relive my terror of dragging scooby doo home on a strap behind the truck, hoping we didn't get stopped for violation of traffic laws, and that hubby wasn't going to hit me. Tomorrow comes fast, and hopefully things will continue to head in the right direction.

Things have finally settled for a few days, I loved wantn and MB's visit, had fun going to the fetish fair flea, and hope they come and visit again. I am still sorting out this week in my mind, there have been some great highs, and some sorrowful lows. I think I am still very much pushing everything down, taking it for now, and when I have my space and time back, I will be able to really go through all this shit and see how I feel about it.

On the outside everything is normal, inside I am a mess. My ulcer is flaring up, and the muscle spasms in my neck are back. Tonight I am promising myself a nice long relaxing quiet bath, and a read of the Ethical Slut that I got at the fair yesterday, I have been looking everywhere for a copy of it. I am hoping within the pages there are some clues that will help me on the path I have chosen. Sometimes it isn't easy being polyamorous.

I am falling back into questioning if you can pull this off, and have come to some very firm decisions, the next few weeks shall be interesting, probably really hard, but in the end I am hoping to be at a place that is more peaceful. We shall see. In the mean time, rolaids are my friend...

I am gearing up for the invasion, trying to figure out what is going to happen, needing to have a good plan in motion. I am not used to having so many in my space, I am completely enjoying Lexi's visit, and look forwards to helping out PW, I just need to know what is going to happen. I do not handle not knowing what is going on well. I am just far to anally organized in my life.

So, hopefully the next few days will be pretty quiet, I shall have a lil time to sort some things out, and by the time of the pet invasion I will be able to handle what comes up in the next few weeks.

Forgive me Blogger for I have sinned, it has been days since my last posting.

Things have been hectic as hell here, being back to work has been interesting, blending it into the life I was used to, and trying to keep J on some sort of schedule is tough. It is worth it though, the money is decent, and I enjoy it.

I am adjusting to sharing my space, not only with company, but with a female at that. I think we are adjusting well, I really enjoy her company...but I am gonna have to be tougher on myself about getting some sleep.

We have done the tourist thing, beaches and hte like. I have a KILLER sunburn, but shall survive. It can't be all that bad if I am even remotely contemplating a flogging tonight;P

Life is falling back into place I guess, slowly, though I am really not sure what is going toh appen. Only time will tell.

Things have been super busy, Lex is HERE! YAY! I am really enjoying her visit!

Today has been rough, but I am so looking forwards to Lex's visit next week I am forcing myself to push the pain behind me and get on with life. I went out and bought two gourami's today, sunset flames, both males...that should make all the fems in the tank happy:) And a snail, black mystery snail, I shall call him houdini.

Bondage movie! You're into BSDM (Bondage &
Discipline, Dominance & Submission) and chances
are, you're fond of whips, chains, harnesses,
and tight leather outfits. You like to mix a
little pain with a LOT of pleasure, baby!


What kind of porno would you star in?
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I finally did it, I told him he has to stand up for his son and me, I said, if you can't stand up for us, if you can't tell your family that the way they treat us is not right, then when your done, when you have backed down...we will be gone.

I don't think he believed me.

Thanks LadyBast and Lex:)





You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
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I am working at overcoming my funk. It isn't doing all that great, I am doing my best to put the happy face on in front of everyone, but as soon as I am alone, as soon as I know I can let it down, I just feel like collapsing. Hubby tells me that though what happened up at the camp this weekend wasn't right, he is not putting anything or anyone between the relationship he has with his brother. So, he isn't standing up for me, and I am humiliated by what happened. If I do something about it, it will strain the relationship between the two, so I must just bite my tongue, let it go. It is no wonder I have an ulcer.

I once heard a comedy routine about taking our feelings and packing them away, instead of working through them. Lately that is what I am doing, I am taking all this hurt and just putting it in little boxes, storing it away, unfortunately the boxes are not strong enough, and though on the outside very few know what is happening, inside I am being torn apart. Little by little my sense of worth is being eaten away, along with a fair bit of my stomach lining I am sure.

So what do I have left in my relationship. Again I have been shown I am not worth fighting for, should I just walk away. What is there for me in the great abyss, is it truely ever better out there. Is it too much to ask that for even a small moment, that I could be first. That I could know I mattered most.

I am in a poly relationship, it isn't always easy. But, whenever I am with either of my men, I always try my hardest to let them know how important they are to me.

I expect to much.

Seventh Level of Hell

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

I should get up, I am never in bed this late. My body feels heavy, my heart aches and the brilliant day outside seems like a slap in the face to me. I guess I can hide in the office and pay bills, then work on setting the room up downstairs for lex if/when she comes to stay. I am really looking forwards to having her here.

I needed to get away today so I hopped in my car and decided to head up into the mountains. After a trip to the basin, and to see the remnants of the Old Man I headed to the canadian border, did a lil wave, then came back down, then through vermont, then home. I am crazy....

Bondage Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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I used to believe that every person had a redeeming feature, something, that I could look at and say, well, you know, I can handle the other flaws because of this.

I wonder about that now, over the past few weeks I have felt like those who are most important to me are doing their best to drive me away. My father pulled his last blade upon me, no more will I bleed for him, for he has completely destroyed whatever relationship there might have been between us. My Bob, well...the days of contentment seem to be over, for now. When you lay your heart out, and explain to someone that there are certain things you just can't take, and they do it anyways...

then yesterday, I had a beautiful day destroyed by my brother-in-laws vicious lil wench of a woman who breeds him children. I just don't understand why people must act like this, and I have come to a point where I question my own ability to be human anymore. I cried all night last night, and this morning the weight upon my chest settles heavy, my heart fighting the tight binds around to it beat. I wonder why I fight it.

You're one of those perverts. You know what I'm
talking about.

Clean yourself up, and
get outside more! Fucker.


Why Will You Go To Hell?
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I am not a complete idiot, I am just a half-wit. It is funny how soon men forget how easily you can get upset with them when they repeat behaviour that has already thrown you into a tailspin before. I learned a lesson today, and will not soon forget it.

Maya

I am laying in bed with my Bob, all is well with the world, and the movie Cocktail is providing background to the tapping of my keys, and Bobs blowing up of ships in civilization.

Life is good....

I am not real.
I do not exist.
You cannot touch me,
Therefore my feelings do not matter.

My words are empty
Since you cannot hear them.
They live only on a page.

My heart does not beat,
For you cannot hear it.
So it will not matter
If you destroy it.

My tears will not flow,
Because you cannot see them.
So do not feel for me.

My being is questioned
In your words.
But in the end it does not matter,
Because I know who I am.

No one ever said making up was easy, but, you know...sometimes it isn't so bad. We still have some talking to do, and though a big part of me knows that he never meant to hurt me...a part of me still needs a few more days to...pout.

I had a busy day, up pretty early, went into town to mow the mother in laws lawn, then had lunch with my bob. Came home to find out all the abutters to the piggie neighbors next door are getting together and complain! Yay, finally I will have support in this!

All and all not a bad day:)

Maya

You are the mystery woman


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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~ The greatest thing you'll ever learn...Is just to Love, and be Loved in return. ~


COME WHAT MAY

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I Love You, until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will Love You
Until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song,
I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I Love You, I Love You,
Until the end of time

Come what may, come what may, I will Love You
The greastest thing you'll ever learn...
I will Love You, Come what may, Yes, I will Love You
Come what may, I will Love You, Til my dying day