I have been a BAD BAD GIRL.

I have been so wrapped up in other things I have completely neglected to blog.

I have so many things I should put in here, but, I am not sure I have the energy, its 2am. But I knew if I didn't say at least something, there are a few of you who are going to continue to pester the shit out of me.

I did find my outdoor kitty, and though I long to return him to indoor kitty, he pees all over my house, so after some snuggles I had to kick him back out. It was tough.

I am sorta ready for the holidays, I have a few things left to make and will be sewing up a storm tomorrow. My intentions are always good to have things done early, but, procrastination wins out:)

Thats it for tonight...ta

I am in my office, working on the website, listening to music by a lovely native american artist, Joanne Shendandoah -- CD Eagles Cries and just...for a moment at peace.

I went for a long walk today looking for my outdoor kitty, the snow is deep, the branches holding their burdens of snow in wait for you to pass beneath them so they can dump it upon you...it was amusing. I did some thinking, realizing that part of my problem right now is my disconnection from my spirituality. I need to find my spirit heart again, and then maybe my body will allow me to fully recover.

I am enjoying my break from most of the on-line stuff I do. Talking only with those I hold closest to my heart, enjoying KOC, except for a vicious sabotage I had. I would like to think some of my friendships are deepening, and becoming more then the general aquaintences I have had in the past.

Life moves on...

You should be dating a Leo.
23 July - 22 August
This mate is honest and loyal, with a sunny
disposition. Though this lion has the tendency
to be arrogant, sulky or smug, he/she is
unrestrained in bed.


What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
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Your soul is bound to the Black Rose: The
Wicked.

"I am the wicked specemin of sin with no
profound logic to believe in. Hold me tight,
but don't hold me close, I go where I
desire."

The Black Rose is associated with manipulation,
control, and virtuosity. It is governed by the
goddess Psyche and its sign is The Tapestry, or
Crafted Love.

As a Black Rose, you may have a slight wicked
streak running through you. But whether you
are naughty or nice is up for debate. You know
how to get what you want and can work people
for what they're worth. You have great people
skills, but can sometimes be a bit of a control
freak.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
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My dreams turn violent, I toss and turn at night unable to sleep. I was up until 4 this morning, then out of bed at 7am...and now it is past midnight and my brain still will not stop. Everytime I close my eyes, lay down my head it starts, the lists of things i need to do, the pains I am trying to hide and THAT DAMN SNORING!

I am feeling better...kinda. Experiencing new places in my healings, lovely side effects from anti-biotics and the like. I am still tired, just, can't seem to rest.

This weekend we are supposed to be snowed in. I invited B over to hang, but he didnt't want to. Not that I blame him, he must be getting tired of me being to sick to enjoy him lately. I am feeling pretty useless at the moment.

I am off to try and get a few hours of sleep, and if that doesn't work, I think I shall tackle the dungeon, I want to get it back into shape, construction down there has it in shambles.

Other then that, perhaps I will take another long bath like yesterday and read some brain candy type book, and lose myself in someone elses life.

I will return...

It has been a long day, I did a lot of cleaning, which sorta wiped me out. I am still really low on energy and fighting the various and sundry illnesses that seem to not want to let go of me. Coughing a lot, finding it hard to breathe, but, feeling this need to rid my life of so many things.

The last two mornings are the first time in a month I actually wanted to get out of bed in the morning, but, it doesn't last long, my energy fades fast. I probably should be checked for mono, my temps not been below 99 in over 2 weeks now. I really do hope that I am just getting every winter cold and flu and bug at once, and can have the rest of my winter in peace. Maybe this is my bodies way of telling me I just need to slow down a bit.

Anyways, my suspicions were correct today about a fella I was talking to. I seem to attract people who have partners they forget to tell me about. The old, no really we broke up line is really starting to wear thin on me. I think I should just make a list of every guy from b.com that I have fucked, played with or has hit on me seriously, and find out just how many of them have women I don't even know exist. It would be amusing for a short time, but regretfully I am just not like that.

So instead I shall just vent here, warning any of you that are out there to make sure you completely stake your claim on your man if you are in public arena's of chat, because they certainly are not going to make an effort to let anyone know they are yours. I am really...no I have lost my faith in the male race. 92% of you are losers, you do not deserve the air you are breathing at this moment. I do hope every last one of you who has led their woman on a merry chase, filling their lives with deciet and dishonor ends up getting your cock bitten off by a jealous extra in your life. It is the least you deserve.

Why be with someone if you are going to pretend your not with them? Why bother? I can tolerate so many things, but being lied to when I ask a direct question really really pisses me off. I am a vengeful bitch, but, for now I shall hope that fate and karma hands down a suitable punishment for me.

I am soon going to need to find an outlet, a place to let my venom go, it consumes me lately. I have so much bitterness for so many. I am finding it harder and harder to find good in anything anymore. Just when I think I have found a shining light, I realize it is nothing more then a flash, and soon the darkness embraces again.

So for now, I am withdrawing, I am letting go, I closed down all my groups, I am taking a break from bcom, I deleted a huge portion of my im...aquaintances, and except those few who know how to track me down, or might chance upon here to read what I am up to, I am just going to disappear for a bit. Otherwise, I might just go mad.

M

Things have been hectic, been really sick and just...tired of it all I guess. My walls grow stronger, those within carefully entrusted with the ways in, those without...can stay there.

Jaded is the word that comes to mind most these days, I am letting go of so many things that I have found are just no longer important to me. But the few things that are, I am working on building up much stronger then they have ever been.

I must go face the day, but when I have free time later, I should probably go over the last few weeks, and be certain that I mark down my feelings, so I do not allow it to happen again.

M