The passing of a family friend was whispered upon the wind to me today. He was one of the last surviving men that was aboard a submarine that sunk and was rescued. 90 years old, and you know in all my years of knowing him, I have never heard a bad thing about the man. He was a joy to know, always there with a smile or helping hand, even when he came to a point where he needed the help. I shall always remember the last time I saw him, and hold that memory close in my heart.
I wish you peace good friend.
Maya

My father showed up today, a once in a blue moon occurance for him. Painful, though no one seems to understand why. He is such a CHARMING fellow, how could I not adore him *vomit* He is charming, when he wishes it. But he has this warped view that he was part of my life when I was a child. He was gone when I was born, didn't even meet me til I was 18 months old, then, gone again, and divorced my mom by the time I was three. I never spent time with him growing up, he rarely remembered me unless his family made him spend time with me, yet, he insists on talking about me growing up and how bad a child I was. The rest of my family says I was a great kid, always easy going, lovable and all that jazz, yet he persists in thinking I was some horrid being.

I guess the biggest thing is that he and his wife concider themselves as having 3 children, my two sisters and brother. I was never included in anything they did, growing up everything was always a struggle, yet they all had everything handed to them, and if I even thought of asking for something, I got slapped for it, then they would turn around and do it for them. That and the fact that he is up this way frequently enough, drives within 20 mins of my house, yet, only visits MAYBE one time a year. Even for my wedding he wasn't sure he could come, he had a raquetball tournament to be in. HIS FUCKING DAUGHETERS WEDDING!!

I am happy the visit is over, I can go back to life now, and not stressing over him just showing up. Luckily my aunt had called me early this morning to warn me he was in the area, so at least I didn't just open the door to him being here.

time to go curl up with invader zim...

Oh, I finished 20 questions on my final today:)

maya

I had the oddest dream last night. I was out to dinner with family, and somehow I got sucked into running the strangest race of my life. Thing is I was still on my crutches in a cast, yet my stubborness got me into it, and I refused to back out, even when I got up and people saw the cast and said, oh, nevermind you don't have to.

Somehow, one of hte stopping points in the race, you had to do the strangest scavanger hunt, myf amily was able to help me during it, the items to find were varied, but one thing that stood out was needing sail cloth...?

Strange things going on in my mind this morning.

So, I set off on my new journey yesterday, even got myself out of the house last night. On the way home, a deer decided that it had to commit suicide against the car. Luckily the lil one was fine, as was my companion. I got a bit of a bruise on my good shin and sorta whacked my bad foot. But I shall survive:) I felt so bad for the deer though, it was not a quick death. I was on the phone with the police to have them come shoot it, and another woman decided to come flying past us, and she ran over its neck. Lots of blood, gor, and general ickyness. The lil one got the lecture on the circle of life, why we wear seatbelts and why you look both ways before crossing the road.

The car suffered minimal damage, but I still felt so bad for the companion. The lil one is still talking about the deer, he tells people you are going to be so sad... When we got home, his eyes were pretty dialated, I think adreniline related, so we kept him up a while, and he wanted to watch rudolph of all things. In some ways, I wish the critter had been bigger, we would have kept it and eaten it, not seeing it go to waste. But after the multiple hits and it being young, it wasn't keepable, I am not sure what they did with it, at the very least I hope it goes to something other then an incinerator.

I went out again today, worked some on my final, which after I blog and things quiet down I will return to and hopefully finish the multiple choice section today, and leave my essays for tomorrow.

Tonight we are probably having company over, that should be nice. Being laid up, I don't get to see people often anymore, no one wants to come out to visit in the boonies! I am going to make up a batch of spaghetti, that way I have enough food for whomever show up, just gonna throw sauce in meatballs and maybe a lil chicken in there.

I just needed to have a bit of verbal diarreah out, I am all done now;)

Maya

I made a choice today, a big one, and hopefully one that will lead me back to the path that is the right one for me. I have become so very lost, I find myself in a constant whirlwind, turning to places that only continue to push me in circles, instead of to a place where perhaps I shall find a wall, so at the very least I can stop, and take stock in what is going on.

So, I begin, journalling again at the request of Mistress Tasia, or more, she mentioned it, and I said well yeah I used to do that and fell off the penwagon. So here I am, back in the saddle again, reading over some things from the past, and realizing...this is a circle that never ends.

So, first of all, I need to make a commitment, not to anything of the *lifestyle* but to getting my final done for biology.

I know part of my problem is that I do not feel good about myself because I am procrastinating this, and letting myself down. I always feel more energized when I am studying...

So, I shall start there:)